Contribute to Erin's "Divorce Fund"!

Good morning! It's Monday. I had a nice weekend. Enjoyed some martinis. Went to a wedding. Got some new candles  (http://chandlercandle.com/ ). Watched a Liza Minnelli biography. Ate some chicken nuggets. Such a treat.

Today's GFM comes all the way from Murrells Inlet, South Carolina (....MURRELLS Inlet???) and sent to me by my friend Berta (Berta is a code name we made up in high school many moons ago. I don't actually know anyone called Berta). Everyone, meet Erin!
Erin married the man she was going to be with forever in 2013. In 2014 he started seeing another woman. In the beginning of 2015, he left Erin for his new whore. She's still in school and needs $2,000 for her divorce attorney and needs to move into the dorms, which is another $2,500. She says her student loans don't cover residence hall expenses. Erin has a few piercings and multi-colored hair and tattoos on her chest.

Oh dear. Where to start. Unless Ms. Erin is a non-traditional student, she would be starting her college studies around the age 18. Maybe 19. maybe 17. Let's guess 18, for median purposes. Per Erin, college began in the Fall of 2014. She was married in 2013, making her 17 at the age of marriage.

Things you can't do at age 17:
- Buy booze
- Go into the armed forces
- Buy cancer sticks
- Buy electronic cancer sticks
- Vote
- Go into a club
Things you shouldn't be able to do at age 17:
- Get fucking married

In order to avoid an overflow of profanity and harsh words, I will tell you exactly what I tell everyone I know. If you're going to be moving that fast and getting yourself caught up in the nonsense of premature holy matrimony, insure yourself and get a fucking prenuptial agreement. Love is love, and divorce is divorce. I don't feel sorry for you. Young and stupid - you need insurance on something like this. If you had thought this through, you wouldn't have to ask the general public for money.

Disclaimer: These posting are meant solely for entertainment purposes. In no way, shape or form do I think all marriages require a prenuptial agreement. I believe many couples will be/are happy and comfortable without a legal document securing future finances in case of a dissolution of the marriage. However, at age 17 (assumption), either wait until you know that flame won't flicker out, dump the loser or get a goddamn prenup.

Erin, I'm sorry you're broke and your hubby left you for his new whore. I'm also sorry that your residence hall is expensive. But don't whine, you need to live there. It's part of college and you sound like you have a lot of learning to do. You'll meet friends and maybe even your future hunny. You'll eat delicious fried chicken tenders in the cafeteria, drink Franzia with your suitemates in a shitty little bathroom, fall out of bed drunk from drinking too much of said Franzia, get written up for playing your showtunes too loud, get in a fight with your roommate for stealing your Arbonne facial scrub, make friends with the baseball boys across the hall, watch the girl down the hall snort an Adderall off her math book as an act of defiance, and so much more. The residence halls are just magical.
Also, do your research more carefully babe. Your student loans will cover about anything. My old roommate bought Lacoste sheets in Miami during Spring Break with some of his student loan money.

I browsed your Facebook Erin. How much did those piercings and earrings cost? And those colorful tattoos across your chest? And those multi-colored streaks in your hair? Unless you're dipping your head in kool-aid (is that what the trashy people used in high school to dye their hair? I think it was kool-aid), you really need to stop. Actually, you need to stop whether it's kool-aid or not. It looks awful, an attorney won't take you seriously looking like that, and those $.96 packets of sugary drink mix add up over time. No more hair dye. No more piercings. No more tattoos. Too expensive! If you remove this GFM page, you can get all piercings/dye/tattoos you want!

Are you working? When college students say they can't work because they're too busy, they'd better be triple majoring and a 4.0 student. I'll assume that isn't you. I think you'll be surprised at how quickly you can earn a few thousand dollars to help cover your expenses and keep your attorney fees from adding up. Get a fucking job. If you have one, get a second one <3

As of 9:40am CST, 8/10/15, Erin's Divorce Fund has raised $800. Baffling. Erin, I wish you the best of luck in those residence halls. I'm still paying my college bills, as are the majority of my friends and contacts. Get over it. Cheers, and happy Monday xo

http://www.gofundme.com/g86x8k4m8c

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