Good morning and happy fucking Thursday!
Today's posting comes all the way from Paris, France. To sum it
up, Sonia wants to fly home from Paris to attend a wedding in Boston this
weekend but she is flying standby (for those folk out there that need
clarification, she doesn't have a confirmed ticket and was more than likely
banking on flying for free on an airline employee's buddy pass) and *gasp* ALL
OF THE FLIGHTS ARE FULL. Well who would have thought that? The summer months
aren't the busiest times for air travel to Europe or anything. What a genius.
Anywho, she was forced to buy a last minute ticket and those are really
expensive, so her friend Lindsey in Seattle started a GFM to raise some money
for her. What a treat of a friend. In just two days, the goal of $500 was
surpassed. Sonia now has $850 for her ticket. Seriously, what a fucking treat.
Oh dear. Where to start. First, Sonia, you must be really, really
loved to have 21 people donate to your "Help me, I'm stuck in Paris and
can't get to Boston for this wedding". I can't shame you for that. I
really can't shame you for any of it since you didn't even create it. It's just
more fun this way because you were dumb and didn’t buy a fucking ticket.
Disclaimer: Anything and everything written is solely for
entertainment purposes. In no way, shape or form is the writer of this blog
entry actually pissed off at these people. This individual just finds it really
fucking ridiculous.
Now, Sonia. Honestly sweetie, what the hell were you thinking? If
you are smart enough to figure out the buddy/companion pass system that the
major airlines use, you're smart enough to know that you probably aren't going
to get on a weekend standby flight from Europe (Paris' Charles de Gauelle,
nonetheless) to a coastal city in the United States unless you're extremely
lucky, or have a crazy high seniority. The only word that comes to mind at this
point is stupid. Fail to plan, plan to fail. Simple as that babe.
Next, what the fuck are you doing in Paris? Are you living there?
Visiting friends? Enjoying fine wine and cheeses? Visiting my friend Mona?
Regardless, all of those things have one common factor: pretty damn expensive.
If you knew you had a wedding 3,000 miles away in Boston, why aren't you saving
your money? How did you get to Paris in the first place? Did you fly standby?
Who was paying the hotel bills or the rent? How much is this "last
minute" ticket costing you? Is it a round trip ticket? If it's a one way,
are you planning on trying to fly standby back to Paris? So many questions!
It's like Jeopardy, but for dumb people who ask the general public for money so
they can log another 3,000 miles in their frequent flier accounts.
When I was in graduate school, I had a destination wedding for a
dear friend in Mexico. At the time, I was bringing in $308 every two weeks on
my stipend. I could not afford that trip. However, I saved strategically and I
managed to go. Had GFM been around back then, do you know what I would have
done differently? Absolutely fucking nothing. It isn't anyone's responsibility
but your own. Again, fail to plan, plan to fail. Remember that, Ms. Sonia!
Enjoy your wedding. I hope you have a nice flight to and from
Paris. When you get back, hopefully you’ll have some leftover money to go do
something touristy or buy a nice block of French cheese. The rest of us
commoners will be going to Olive Garden and Mon Ami Gabi to satisfy our
cultural taste buds. Do you know why? Because we don't ask for fucking money to
fly across the world. Cheers! (I'm sipping my $6 wine from Costco. It comes
from a French vineyard, so it's almost like I'm there with you!) xo
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